So He Said

"Do you ever get tired of doing the same thing over and over he sad?"
"Yes", she answered, "that reminds me of...

Ten Lies I've Told My Kids

You gotta stick with it. Although I personally never kept the same job more than 2 years. Dealing antiques don't count cuz I spent more money collecting things than I ever made.

Wearing your mums warm sheepskin slippers if you are a boy will give you fibromyialga. And that's just painful.

Keith Richards and I are the same age. That's what drugs will do to you.

That secret tubular death punch that will drop you, the one I learned to protect myself with at academy, is just my version of a kick to the groin.

I did not read my sisters collage course books back in high school due to my love of reading and creative way to solve boredom. It was mostly her abnormal psychology book cause of the sex.

I have nothing after the number three. When I get really angry and count at them, I wouldn't know what to do if they made me mad past three. The world will not end, my head will not blow off, and they will not "get it". Don't tell them.

I hate watching any sport that I'm not in. I wish they would take up collecting stamps or gaming on line.

I want them to live in my basement and never move out.

I never got farther than basic math classes. I only passed basic math because of my cleavage and the fact my teacher liked to sit on my desk. For that matter, do not tell the state. The financial board should probably double check the oodles of bucks I manipulate.

I didn't stop inviting Elaine my old long time friend over cuz she lives so far away. She has a big mouth and talks about my naughty bad days. If she ever lets slip about my greenbush days, Ill just die.